A Sick Ending to It All

So, yesterday I was putting things in my backpack to leave for the business meeting in the morning, and I suddenly felt sick.
I ended up staying in my room for the first business meeting, watching it online and sleeping.

When lunch came, I went out with my friends on a mission to find soup without milk or cheese as its main ingredient.
After going to about 5 places, I found a bowl of chicken noodle soup, ate it, and braved the business meeting after lunch.

As I sat there, I felt really nauseous and sick, so I took my computer and walked out, just to get some fresh air and maybe a drink of water, but on the way, I realized what I really needed to find was a garbage can.

So, for the first time and years, I "lost my lunch."

I decided it would be better to go back to the hotel.

My friend Nate, who had woken up at 4 in the morning that day to throw up, came and joined me. Apparently something like 40 YADs were missing yesterday.

So for the last day, when issues like gay ordination, gay marriage, the Palestine/Israel conflict, abortion, and many other important and interesting issues were discussed, Nate and I sat on my bed and watched it online, occasionally making a trip to the bathroom to throw up. Lovely.

I'm feeling better this morning, but I'm really hungry and I know if I eat anything I won't keep it down. Plus this was such a downer for my last two days here. No last meal, no last YAD caucus, no last meeting, no last picture. All the more reason to see these people again, I guess.

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So, pray that I will make it for the next week.
Everyone has left but Nate; he leaves at 4 and I at 6.
Then I get to New York for the mission trip at 9AM when the youth group will be there more in the area of 9PM.

So, pray for safe and comfortable travels.

It's been lovely blogging. Don't forget to be loving, humble and just.

Thanks

I'm writing this post to say thank you to those who are reading this blog.

I have always felt that writing is a way to learn things about yourself. This outlet has helped me to process this amazing experience and identify what I was thinking and how I have grown throughout the week. I don't know all the people reading this, but I hope it has been as helpful to you as it has been to me.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, whether I know you or not.

Do justice. Love kindness. Walk humbly with your God.

A Lunch and a Sign

I want to now talk about a lunch I had two days ago in combination with something I saw yesterday.

We had no previously-paid-for lunch, so we walked to Johnny Rockets and, as usual, had some other people tag along. This time, it was two representatives from the Covenant Network.
The Covenant Network of Presbyterians was that first dinner that I missed out on for a YAD event. It is an organization in support of the inclusion of homosexuals into the church community.

Just typing that sentence makes me think:
"Inclusion."
"Church community."
Why are those words sometimes mutually exclusive to each other?

So at Johnny Rocket's, I sat across from Brian. Brian is in seminary and is homosexual. (He also has a nice smile, wears cool clothes, and he likes Apple--there are many things to learn about Brian.)

To me as I learn about these issues, the issue of the “inclusion of homosexuals into the community” has been a no-brainer.
I’ve heard the argument against their membership. I understand that when a person becomes a member of the church PC(USA), they make a commitment to at least try to live a life following the footsteps of Christ. So, logistically, someone “planning to live a lifestyle of sin” would not fulfill that requirement.

So what? We don’t let them in? If it is your belief that homosexuality is a sin, then where else but the church would you have these people be?

So for me, everyone. Every single person should have a place in the church. No questions. None. If Satan himself wanted to be a PC(USA) member, Jesus has made a place for him, why should we not?

That said. I have never given a clear answer to others of what I think about homosexual ordination--because I just don’t know.

I don’t know what I think the Bible says about homosexuals. I do know that it does say to love people. That’s usually my answer. But really? What do I think about it?

I think that we have pastors that are liars. Cheaters. Fakers. Judgers. Intimidators. Salesmen.

Should they be ordained?

I would say (very carefully), that we shouldn’t make the judgment exclusive, remember that we are all worthy of judgment from God, and rejoice in the call that so many loving individuals feel towards the ministry.

So, Brian. Brian answered all of our questions. He was so helpful and willing to indulge us. I’m sure some of the things we asked were ignorant, but Brian just smiled and said he would hear the question and answer if he wanted to.

Brian feels called to be a Minister of the Word and Sacrament. When he graduates soon, he doesn’t know whether or not he will be allowed to practice his call.

He talked of how some people will tell him, “Oh, well, you can still be in ministry, you just don’t need to be ordained.” But Brian feels called to be a Minister of the Word and Sacrament. Why can’t Brian follow his call? And who gave us the right to tell him he wasn't called by God?

When I talked to him, he reminded me of my favorite college student that we had in youth group when I was younger in the way that he took what we were saying seriously. I think he would be a great pastor.

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And now to what I saw yesterday. I was walking to P.F. Chang's to meet my friends for dinner and on the way there, I saw a man "preaching" to a small crowd. Beside him was a man holding a sign with various words like, DRUNKS, THIEVES, ADULTERERS, HOMOSEXUALS.

I put these in caps because that's how the words were displayed. Big. Confrontational. And followed by the word HELL.

As I walked passed them (numerous times, might I add, because I couldn’t find the restaurant), I tuned in to what I thought God was telling me to do. I finally decided that he had rejected my willing offer to run over, grab the sign, and run away with it, because “the preacher” had a t-shirt on with the same words, so it wouldn't have gotten rid of the message anyway.

One man had a sweatshirt on that had two words in caps: TURN and BURN. As I got closer I saw the words in between. It read: TURN to Jesus or BURN in Hell. (Cheerful bunch, yeah?)

As we walked back to the Convention Center, I was looking for the group and was unhappy to see that they had either relocated or sent “friends” to the entrance of the Convention Center.
Now, I’ll admit, I am one of the rebellious youth of the generation, so as we came to the Convention Center and had to cross the street, I...jaywalked. I know. Renegade.

As I was walking across the road, one of our new friends caught my eye and said, "Break man's law you get a ticket; break God's law you go to hell."
To which my response was, "not through Jesus."

I don't think he heard me, and it wouldn't have made much of a difference if he had, but seriously? Break God's law automatically means you go to hell? Geez, I was way off. I had this crazy idea of redemption mixed in there. I'm in trouble for sure.

As we continued to get closer to the Convention Center doors, we saw the That All May Freely Serve group standing, smiling, and holding a tray of cookies.

Hell vs. cookies.

I walked up to them and thanked them for being there out of love and one of them gave me a hug. One of my friends jokingly suggested that they give a cookie to the "friends" a few feet away. They told us that they had already tried and been rejected.

Our "friends'" reaction and action makes me mourn for the world. Why? How can someone use Jesus like that? Talk about using the Lord's name in vain.

Hell. Versus. Cookies.

Is there really a question of who we should be?

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So what do I think about homosexuals in the church?

I think some people are loving. I think others are not. I think Jesus wants some of the loving ones to be pastors, and the others to come to church.

I think Jesus loves everyone.

And I hope I can try to do that too.

Just a Note

Just to let you know, the Heidelberg and Belhar committee proposals both passed!

Streaming of GA

I recently realized that you can stream some of the plenary meetings from your home computer.

The schedule and link to stream is below. Enjoy! (I'm in the middle in row K if you're looking.) :)

http://www.pcusa.org/ga218/schedule/streaming-schedule.htm

The Video

For those of you that don't know it, a few months ago I made a video to enter into a competition sponsored by the Youth Mission Initiative called ymiLive. We were one of the 15 finalists out of about 120 videos. Three videos were picked as winners of a $25,000 endowment for their youth group.

Well, the video didn't win.

I thought that the voting ended on Thursday but when I brought my friends to the voting booth today, I was a little miffed to find out that the voting was closed on Tuesday. I always mix up those "t" days. I didn't even get to wear my WOOt shirt cause I was saving it for voting day.

I was really sad that it lost.

I personally worked very hard on it. My church worked hard to get it to be a finalist--little old ladies spent hours at their computers trying to register to vote for it. The whole church was engaged. Some people even thought I was going to California just for the video.

So today they announced the videos and we didn't win.

And I don't want to go home and tell my church.

Of course, I have an excuse I'd like to offer. The YADs picked the three winners, and to vote, you had to go to the exhibit hall, find the booth, watch all fifteen videos (that are four minutes long, which equals more than an hour and the average amount of time that we have in the exhibit hall is, oh, about 15 minutes.) To me, that equals a few kids wandering over to the booth, looking at a few of the videos at the top (ours was near the bottom), and then having to leave so they either vote on the three they've watched so far, or forget about it for the rest of the week. Plus, as Luke demonstrates below, some of the videos were just a little strange.


I really did think our video was a ministry. We made sixteen videos when we went to New Orleans in January and our ymiLive entry was a sampling of them. Our goal to tell the story of New Orleans was manifest in the videos. The money would help to make the videos into DVDs to distribute to others.

I called my mom and cried when I had to tell her we lost. I feel like I let down so many people. I suppose there wasn't much I could do than tell people about it. It's not their or my fault that it was too hard to vote, but I did not see this coming. I never pictured having to make an excuse.

So we lost. That's ok, I guess. The important thing is that people see the video and the message of the people of New Orleans gets out.

So, watch. Please. :)

Pacific Cleansed Feet

I just went to the Pacific Ocean for the first time!


The YADs went to Santa Cruse to have a cookout, see the beach, and ride rides at a carnival-type place nearby.


It was really fun. : )

Since I couldn't find my sunglasses before I left, I've been looking for a pair ever since I got here. I suggested a store and it turned out that everyone wanted new sunglasses:

Belhar Notes

For worship today, we had a Korean man preach about racism. He was very profound and just to give you a taste of what he was like, he cited Reverend Jeremiah Wright as a valid source to be listened to. I really liked what he had to say. He was on the line, but he never crossed it. It was profound.

So wouldn’t you know then, that when I get to my committee meeting, the first on the agenda, is the approval of the Belhar Confession, that arose from apartheid in South Africa, and now serves to speak against racism and for the unity of all.

It's hard to pass a confession and many things must be considered before passing one. It is our book of beliefs, so passing a "belief," must stand the test of time. One advocate asked if the confession's truth could be found outside of the history it was written in. In other words, is it and will it be relevant for future churches?

We haven't finished the vote on it yet, but I think we will end up proposing to the floor of GA that a committee be formed to study the Belhar Confession and distribute study guides on it for the presbyteries in our church with the hope that further action to pass will be considered at the next General Assembly. (This is the fastest process for getting it passed.)

The process for Presbyterians is a good one. It might take awhile to get things passed, but it is a necessary task to keep ourselves in check.

I mean, who would want to put their thoughts or beliefs out there for the world to see without carefully thinking about and deciding on them? ;)

The Belhar Confession

Today in my committee we are discussing the Belhar Confession, more on it later, but here is a copy of it from the Uniting Reformed Church in Southern Africa web site:

"This is a translation of the original Afrikaans text of the Confession as it was adopted by the Synod of the Dutch Reformed Mission Church in SA in 1986. This followed the declaration of a status confessionis in 1982, in connection with the rejection of the defence of apartheid on moral and theological grounds.

1. We believe in the triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, who gathers, protects and cares for his Church by his Word and his Spirit, as He has done since the beginning of the world and will do to the end.

2. We believe in one holy, universal Christian Church, the communion of saints called from the entire human family.
We believe:
that Christ’s work of reconciliation is made manifest in the Church as the community of believers who have been reconciled with God and with one another;
that unity is, therefore, both a gift and an obligation for the Church of Jesus Christ; that through the working of God’s Spirit it is a binding force, yet simultaneously a reality which must be earnestly pursued and sought: one which the people of God must continually be built up to attain;
that this unity must become visible so that the world may believe that separation, enmity and hatred between people and groups is sin which Christ has already conquered, and accordingly that anything which threatens this unity may have no place in the Church and must be resisted;
that this unity of the people of God must be manifested and be active in a variety of ways: in that we love one another; that we experience, practice and pursue community with one another; that we are obligated to give ourselves willingly and joyfully to be of benefit and blessing to one another; that we share one faith, have one calling, are of one soul and one mind; have one God and Father, are filled with one Spirit, are baptised with one baptism, eat of one bread and drink of one cup, confess one Name, are obedient to one Lord, work for one cause, and share one hope; together come to know the height and the breadth and the depth of the love of Christ; together are built up to the stature of Christ, to the new humanity; together know and bear one another’s burdens, thereby fulfilling the law of Christ that we need one another and upbuild one another, admonishing and comforting one another; that we suffer with one another for the sake of righteousness; pray together; together serve God in this world; and together fight against all which may threaten or hinder this unity;
that this unity can be established only in freedom and not under constraint; that the variety of spiritual gifts, opportunities, backgrounds, convictions, as well as the various languages and cultures, are by virtue of the reconciliation in Christ, opportunities for mutual service and enrichment within the one visible people of God;
that true faith in Jesus Christ is the only condition for membership of this Church;

Therefore, we reject any doctrine
which absolutises either natural diversity or the sinful separation of people in such a way that this absolutisation hinders or breaks the visible and active unity of the church, or even leads to the establishment of a separate church formation;
which professes that this spiritual unity is truly being maintained in the bond of peace whilst believers of the same confession are in effect alienated from one another for the sake of diversity and in despair of reconciliation;
which denies that a refusal earnestly to pursue this visible unity as a priceless gift is sin;
which explicitly or implicitly maintains that descent or any other human or social factor should be a consideration in determining membership of the Church.

3. We believe that God has entrusted to his Church the message of reconciliation in and through Jesus Christ; that the Church is called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world that the Church is called blessed because it is a peacemaker, that the Church is witness both by word and by deed to the new heaven and the new earth in which righteousness dwells.
that God by his lifegiving Word and Spirit has conquered the powers of sin and death, and therefore also of irreconciliation and hatred, bitterness and enmity that God, by his lifegiving Word and Spirit will enable His people to live in a new obedience which can open new possibilities of life for society and the world;
that the credibility of this message is seriously affected and its beneficial work obstructed when it is proclaimed in a land which professes to be Christian, but in which the enforced separation of people on a racial basis promotes and perpetuates alienation, hatred and enmity;
that any teaching which attempts to legitimate such forced separation by appeal to the gospel, and is not prepared to venture on the road of obedience and reconciliation, but rather, out of prejudice, fear, selfishness and unbelief, denies in advance the reconciling power of the gospel, must be considered ideology and false doctrine.

Therefore, we reject any doctrine which, in such a situation sanctions in the name of the gospel or of the will of God the forced separation of people on the grounds of race and colour and thereby in advance obstructs and weakens the ministry and experience of reconciliation in Christ.

4. We believe that God has revealed himself as the One who wishes to bring about justice and true peace among men; that in a world full of injustice and enmity He is in a special way the God of the destitute, the poor and the wronged and that He calls his Church to follow Him in this; that He brings justice to the oppressed and gives bread to the hungry; that He frees the prisoner and restores sight to the blind; that He supports the downtrodden, protects the stranger, helps orphans and widows and blocks the path of the ungodly; that for Him pure and undefiled religion is to visit the orphans and the widows in their suffering; that He wishes to teach His people to do what is good and to seek the right;
that the Church must therefore stand by people in any form of suffering and need, which implies, among other things, that the Church must witness against and strive against any form of injustice, so that justice may roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream;
that the Church as the possession of God must stand where He stands, namely against injustice and with the wronged; that in following Christ the Church must witness against all the powerful and privileged who selfishly seek their own interests and thus control and harm others.

Therefore, we reject any ideology which would legitimate forms of injustice and any doctrine which is unwilling to resist such an ideology in the name of the gospel.

5. We believe that, in obedience to Jesus Christ, its only Head, the Church is called to confess and to do all these things, even though the authorities and human laws might forbid them and punishment and suffering be the consequence.

Jesus is Lord.
To the one and only God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, be the honour and the glory for ever and ever."

Overture

People bring things called "overtures" to the floor, that are like proposed amendments or suggestions about certain issues. The overture that we are submitting to the floor of General Assembly (which, if it passes there, will then proceed out into the church in the form of synods and presbyteries) is as follows:

"The Presbytery of Newark overtures the 218th General Assembly (2008) to correct translation problems in five responses of the Heidelberg Catechism as found in The Book of Confessions and to add the original Scripture texts of the German Heidelberg Catechism. The following changes are proposed:

1. Amend the answer to 4.019 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]

“A. From the holy gospel, which God himself revealed in the beginning in the Garden of Eden, afterward proclaimed through the holy patriarchs and prophets and foreshadowed through the sacrifices and other rites of the Old Covenant ceremonies of the law, and, finally, fulfilled through his own well-beloved Son.”

2. Amend the answer to 4.033 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]

“A. Because Christ alone is God’s own eternal Son natural son, whereas we are accepted adopted for his sake as children of God by grace.”

3. Amend the answer to 4.055 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]

“A. First, that believers one and all, as partakers of the Lord Christ, and all his treasures and gifts, shall share in one fellowship. Second, that each one ought to know that he is obliged to use his gifts freely willingly and with joy for the benefit and welfare of other members.”

4. Amend the answer to 4.074 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]

“A. Yes, because they, as well as their parents, are included in the covenant and belong to the people of God. Since both redemption from sin through the blood of Christ and the gift of faith from the Holy Spirit are promised to these children no less than to their parents, infants are also by baptism, as a sign of the covenant, to be incorporated into the Christian church and distinguished from the children of unbelievers. This was done in the Old Covenant Testament by circumcision. In the New Covenant Testament baptism has been instituted to take its place.”

5. Amend the answer to 4.087 as follows: [Text to be deleted is shown with a strike-through; text to be added or inserted is shown as italic.]

“A. Certainly not! Scripture says, ‘Surely you know that the unjust will never come into possession of the kingdom of God. Make no mistake: no fornicator or idolater, none who are guilty either of adultery or of homosexual perversion, no thieves or grabbers or drunkards or slanderers or swindlers, will possess the kingdom of God.’ Certainly not; for as Scripture says no unchaste person, idolater, adulterer, thief, greedy person, drunkard, slanderer, robber, or anyone like that shall inherit the kingdom of god.”"

Committee Meetings Continued

Committee meetings.

They bring out the worst in people, I think.

I think my room is full of talented, strong-willed and -minded people of varying views. I think they are all trying to make the church what it should be in their own faithfully thought view. I think they want to do things by the rules, to the last comma. I think they are passionate.

However, sometimes that can be an intimidating and heated atmosphere, and that's exactly what my committee is.

For example: yesterday we had our first meeting. I knew it was a tough crowd when we couldn't even approve the agenda.

There appeared to be a study guide that was already made but just needed an overview by the committee to be approved. The Moderator of our committee and the planning team decided that rather than sit and read the study guide, it would be more effective and entertaining to actually discuss it as a study guide and use it for the overview. Knowing how much mail we would be receiving, the leaders decided that the study guide would be passed out the day that it was to be reviewed. After all, there was no reason to read it before we reviewed it, the very reading of it was the review. Sounds considerate of them, right?

People were infuriated.

One women got up and commented on how the leadership had undermined her ability to make decisions and that she was mature enough to make the decision of whether or not to read the study guide herself. Not presenting it to her in the mail was an insult to her intelligence, so she said.

Hey guys, remember the people in Africa dying of AIDs?

Why are we wasting our time and energy on this? That's a hard thing to deal with here: the pervasive idea that the work we do here is so tedious, that is means nothing and we should be spending our energies somewhere else.

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Today, our main issue was that of the Heidelberg Catechism.

It concerned a few mistranslations and an addition made during the English translation in the 1960s to the original German text.

There was much deliberation of which I would love to elaborate on including an advocacy speech by both Dr. Jack Rodgers (to whom I adamantly introduced myself--I don't ever remember being so excited, I think, to meet someone as when I saw he had entered the room) and Dr. Robert Gagnon (to whom I would have liked to introduce myself again, but unfortunately he had left before the meeting was at a break session), but the night is rather late and my eyes are rather fuzzy again. Basically it was debated, to the fullest extent all day. There were moving and convincing testimonies to both sides. There were good questions and tedious ones.
The issue was between whether or not it was a "restoration" or a "revision," and whether or not this was simply a ploy to be one step further in the homosexuality debate, or indeed to return a sacred confession to its original content.

I voted in favor of the amendments each time. Of my table, Jay was in agreement, but the rest were not.


It should be noted though, that the room, despite its adamant differences, was still able to laugh with each other. Laughing was present throughout the day, albeit a stiff laughter at some points.

The real thing that I loved though was that after everything was finished, we had a short time to read Scripture together and sing in a worshipful manner. The opposing tables were joined for the singing. Every person, snaked through the round tables, had a hand to hold. We were a committee. A group. A community. A church. One.

BRC Videos

Bruce came to YAD caucus tonight and I recorded a little of what he said.
The first is him discussing how he "felt called" to run for Moderator.

I'm trying to upload this one.

The next is a response to how it feels to be Moderator. He began saying that some people would come up to him and say, "oh, you should be Moderator, but you won't be..."

I'm trying to upload this one.

And here's a little extra... :)

I Think These People Are Fun

So tonight, after committee meetings (which you will hear more about in a later blog), we went to a group dinner and formed a YAD table with all my friends. I really like them. :)

We just sit at the table and laugh. Even at this point when I am so very tired, I still can keep running with this group.

After dinner, there was a worship service, but we *cough* skipped it to go play Mafia in Nate's room. It's the first thing I have skipped the whole week, unlike many of the other commissioners, and after a day of a committee meeting like mine, (again, tune it later for that report) :) it was well-deserved.

Just to give you a run-down of "the group" for future reference, starting from the left (this was taken in the elevator):
Pat, mid-PA.--We both feel like we know each other from something.
Maggie, Wilmington, NC--Became my best friend online before we got here as she was referred to me by a family friend. :)
Cate, D.C.--The first person I met as we were waiting to get our bags in the airport.
Erin, Virginia?--goes to a college called Presbyterian like Westminster
Me, PA--blogs a lot.
Jay's mouth, San Jose, CA--Went to the More Light dinner with me, is in my committee.
Luke, Wisconsin--When I introduced myself to Luke, I told him he looked familiar. Turns out he goes to Conference. :)
Merideth, South Carolinia--has the sweetest laugh and makes funny faces. I want to room with someone like her.
Nate, Arkansas--has the sweetest southern accent and is married to me in M.A.S.H.
Mike's ear, Columbus, OH--came to the OneByOne lunch with me, gets up and runs in the morning, is my directions man for the week.


Oh yeah, I was Sheriff twice and died as soon as I found someone out each time but solved it the third round as a townsperson.

OneByOne

For lunch I went to a ticketed meal with Mike sponsored by OneByOne, basically the opposite of More Light.
I wanted to hear both sides of the issues so I had signed up for both of them.

Earlier in the week I had visited their booth in the Exhibit Hall. The guy there tried to joke with me and I felt uncomfortable around him. This was before I found out which side of the debate they were on.

So today Mike and I walked to Bella Mia Restaurant and received a small box lunch at the door. It was a small crowd, about twenty. The weird guy from the booth was there and he recognized me. It's always a nice thing to be recognized, but then the rest of the time he kept coming over and refilling my drink and being awkward nice.
I mean, let's not let one weird guy ruin the organization for me, but to compare it to More Light, it was awkward, and though I most definitely fit in better with the OneByOne group in appearance and background, I felt far more comfortable at More Light, which was kind of ironic.

I tried to talk to a man at my table about the stances of OneByOne, mainly whether or not they thought homosexuality was a societal thing or a genetic one. He didn't really answer. I know this issue is one that takes a conversation to answer, but I was just looking for information. In the end he told me to go to there booth in the exhibit hall, even though I told him I'd been there before.

Last night we had a man from OneByOne come to speak at YAD caucus. (We have "mission groups"--special interest groups in disguise--come every night and talk to us for like two minutes each.) The man told us about how he has "suffered from same-sex attraction" before but that now he had found the church and was back with his wife. People are so picky with their words. "Same-sex attraction."
I felt sorry for the man. He never said that he loved his wife. He never said that he had found a way to get rid of the feelings. He had just gotten back to the societal norm of what was expected of him as a Christian husband and father. I think the poor guy was living a lie just to be accepted by Jesus. No one has to do that.
And what about his wife? Poor woman. She deserves the right to love someone that can love her back.

He didn't seem "healed." He seemed well-rehearsed.

The speaker at the lunch talked briefly about having a homosexual past, but then "reconciling" with his wife years later. He then found out he had AIDs. His whole speech then became about "suffering with others as Jesus tells us to." When he talked about having AIDs though, he never said anything about the fact that he was the one that gave himself AIDs. He compared himself to the African people a lot, which I thought was weird. Their story is completely different from his.

I did like his speech when I was listening to it, but coming out of it, I'm not really sure what he talked about, and he said nothing of the work that it took to stop being homosexual.

I think a homosexual, just like a heterosexual, can, over time, faithfully work with God to halt their sexual feelings into abstinence. I find it hard to believe that they can "switch back to the other side," but I do think that anyone, homo- or hetero- sexual can abstain from sex with Christ's help. Whether or not that abstinence is required by God is debatable, but the issue I am annoyed with is when people appear to have coaxed themselves into being genuinely attracted to something they were not previously attracted to.

I feel like you can wane out attraction, but you can't create it.

Anyway, I liked More Light better. They were truly friendly, and they answered all my questions with real answers.

Committee Meetings

Right now I'm in a committee meeting for Theological Issues and Institutions.

Committee meetings make me love the church, but hate the people in it.

Moderator Election

Another very important thing happened yesterday night: we selected a moderator. The moderator is the highest position you can hold in the Presbyterian church. It's not like a President in that it does not have much power to change, but rather to moderate the meetings that are held at General Assembly. They are the mediator, the host of the meeting. If you have a question, you wait for the moderator to call on you.

Months before I got to GA, I was told about the candidates for moderator in an email. The email had a link to the GA site, which then had a link to one of the Moderator's blogs. As this was the most easily accessible, I clicked on it and began to read Rev. Bruce Reyes-Chow's blog. (http://www.mod.reyes-chow.com)
I really liked him and I would revisit it every once in awhile when I remembered to.

So, coming into GA, I had really only exposed myself to one of the candidates. When we got here, the candidates had booths right at the entrance of the Convention Center. Bruce's booth had a painting to sign with your vision for the church, pins, and free t-shirts for all the YADs. He had now sold all the kids in my group. :)


It became evident that Bruce was the "candidate for the youth." His connection to them was very similar to the craze around Barack Obama--people just followed him. Though Barack and Bruce are very different people, and Bruce's position of leadership will be different in many ways, they had both captivated an audience.

So Saturday night was the Moderator Election. Each candidate had five minutes for someone to nominate them, then they themselves gave a five minute speech (as Bruce is pictured below), and then there was a question panel that took place for an hour.


I tried to listen to this because I had to admit to myself, though I was wearing a BRC pin and t-shirt, I did not know a lot about the other candidates.

As I listened, I was more inspired by Bruce, but also impressed by Carl Mazza, a man who did not grow up in the faith, but appeared to live a life for Christ. I thought both would be a great moderator, but I gave Bruce my vote. He had the freshness I was looking for in the church.

The YADs vote (which is really an advisory vote for the commissioners to view and then keep in mind for their own vote, which is the one that counts) first. The were almost all in support of Bruce. Then came the commissioner vote. Bruce had the majority, followed by Carl, but a "majority plus one" vote was needed.

After a revote, Bruce won!
He is now our new moderator. Not only is this exciting for the church, but also for me as all of the GA moderators speak at Conference! Yay for next year! : )

More Light Surprise

Back to the More Light dinner...

At one point, two men got up to receive an annual reward. They were a couple, both small in stature. After they had accepted the award, one of the men told the group how, eighteen years ago, they had been married into a covenant bond by a woman in the room. Though they had exchanged vows, their bond was not legally recognized. The man then asked the other to be legally bound, right there, before the rest of the group.

And so, before myself and the More Light community, the two men both signed the document of marriage, with their original pastor as the officiator, and two of the women that had been at the marriage eighteen years ago (one of whom was Jay's grandmother) as their witnesses.

Didn't expect that one did ya?

Neither did anyone in the room. The couple went to Jay's church and about half of the people in the room knew them, but no one had had any idea that they had been planning this.

The joy in the room was contageous. I just went to a wedding last weekend, and, though I knew the couple well, I was fine just sitting and smiling at them during the service. But this? This was a triumph. It was a celebration. People clapped and cheered. It was a covenant that was finally able to be carried out for those who had waited so long for it.

--------------------------

I don't know what I think about gay marriage. I gave a speech in government about civil unions and I fully and most adamantly support civil unions. It is concerning the rights of a people group. They aren't getting their legal rights and they should. It's a matter of the state. Secular.

But with gay marriage, you add the God ordained factor in. Does God approve of a monogamous relationship in Him, no matter what it's form. The answer to that, I have not yet figured out.

What I do know is that those two men loved each other. I have yet to see a downside to loving. If they are to love one another, what better way to make the relationship acceptable to God than to covenant through His word.

I don't know what I think about gay marriage.
But I have to say I was clapping along with everyone else yesterday.

Sunday So Far

Worship this morning was really nice. It was long but the music was great. It was in the San Jose University gym and part of it was broadcast from the Civic Center.
The music was great. The conductor would conduct the choir and then when the congregation was suppose to sing he would turn around and conduct us. It was hilarious, but I felt so much for him. You could tell he was being filled with the Spirit as he conducted--it was beautiful. : )

After worship Maggie and I left the group to go to a Media Lunch I had signed up for and Maggie was hoping to get into. The speaker was Mike Farrell from M.A.S.H. He was very good; what he said was true but he was very liberal. He was obviously intelligent and I knew what he was saying was merited, but at a time when I am striving to see both sides of the issues, he made it hard to suppress my head nods of agreement.
There was time for questioning at the end and a women asked Mike what he felt about the apathy of the next generation, how when she grew up everyone rallied and now no one did that.
I almost got up and left but I wanted to hear what he had to say. He started off with saying that the situation was a tad different as that generation had been facing a draft (one point to Mike), but I still couldn't believe she said that.

Yes, my generation is apathetic. But did not some of us just nominate an African American to the Democratic nomination? Don't tell me that was the "older" generation that got him there. Did we not just elect Bruce Reyes-Chow to moderator? Were we not the most adamant vote, when the commissioners had to vote again to get a majority? No we don't parade around anymore. But put it in the context that it is now. I think that's what Mike was saying.

I spent most of the lecture about to fall off my chair (but still listening, I assure you!) with drowsiness, but when she asked that question I woke up.

I now have about an hour and a half to rest before the next business meeting and here I am, serving you with my blog. Your welcome. I'm sleepy.

X Marks the Breakfast Spot

This morning I woke up excited about the time we had before breakfast and went to check my phone to see if anyone had replied to my "group text" (we think we're funny, we all passed phones around, got numbers, and now send "group texts" to each other whenever we want anything) about a proposed breakfast time only to find out that they had decided on a time five minutes from then.

And I had just told my roommate she could take a shower first.

So I skipped the shower, braided my hair, and set out to find City Donuts and Bagels by myself, map in hand, looking more touristy than ever. It was lovely. I like cities. This isn't as busy or cluttered as Pittsburgh, but it has that great city feel.

On my way there, a homeless man asked me for money for food.
Sometimes people walk by people like that. I think it's a combination of fear, ignorance to the situation, and even feelings of irritation like, "it's you're own fault you're there, get up and do something about it." I think the last one, though, is really just blind ignorance.

I didn't want to do that.
This week, I represent the church and whether or not he knew what my nametag meant, I do.

So I looked right at him, and in my usual response said, "What?"

"Do you have any money for food?"

"No, I don't, I'm sorry, but have a good day!" Smile.

Have a good day? How could he? Hopefully the smile would help. I'm never one for giving people money. I think in most situations, it won't help them. I will buy them food though. I thought about asking him to breakfast with me, but I wasn't sure how far away my destination was and I didn't know where I was, so unfortunately this time, I had to sacrifice a good deed to be smart. It's a shame that's a sacrifice we have to make but I feel confident that we should make it in some situations. Be giving, but be safe.

End result was, when I got to the restaurant I got him a banana and two choices of juice, and wrapped up half of my bagel for him. I never felt so full than when I gave away part of my food.

The second time I saw him he was a sweet man with sweet eyes who was thankful that someone cared. I'm going to try to buy Jesus breakfast again this week.

More Light

I will now fill you in on everything that happened yesterday and so far today in the next few blogs:

First let me explain the ticketed events to you. Before GA, you could buy tickets to various special interest group dinners that feature a speaker and a meal. The dinners are something like $45. I was under the impression that GA would reimburse the commissioners, so I promptly signed up for about 16 of them. After this, a very unhelpful GA lady called me and said that I would never have enough time to go to all of them. Oops. So I reworked and limited them to about eight. :) Unhelpful GA lady said everything was good and that I would be reimbursed.

When I got here, I was given about six tickets. Some were missing (I think) because (as I discovered on the plane) I had signed up for some events that were at the same time. (Hey GA lady, why didn't you tell me that? And why did you take off "Hot Cakes and Hot Issues,"--that one was going to be great.) Also, as I had signed up for the events when I registered months ago and before we got our YAD schedule, I missed the first two because I had YAD events. (GA lady, I told you I was a YAD.) Also, it became clear to me that I would not be reimbursed. Sorry mom, it was GA Lady's fault.

So. I have made all these friends who didn't sign up for these dinners because someone else did their registration, etc., or only signed up for one; and our favorite pastime is meal conversations...but I leave for most of them. Super. But I'm here to learn and make friends, so, new opportunities, here I come.

So....

Saturday evening, I went to my first meal with a friend named Jay who happened to also be going to the same dinner. It was a More Light dinner.

More Light (http://www.mlp.org) is an organization in support of the full inclusion of LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender) members of the Presbyterian Church (USA). (Remember my Heath Ledger/homosexual rights campaign? It was happening right around the time Unhelpful GA Lady was unhelping me register for these dinners, which might have had an effect on the choices for dinners.) :) They have a booth in the exhibit hall where they are giving out handmade, crocheted, rainbow-colored scarves for commissioners to wear as a visual testimony. I got one the first day.

Let's review this. An eighteen-year-old girl from a town with one gay kid in her school, inviting herself to a dinner reception for the homosexual community and its friends. I have to say I had never been to anything remotely close to that dinner in my life. The closest to "gay" life I have been is the usual use of the adjective "gay" flippantly used by some of my best friends.
"I failed that test--it was so gay."
Really, friends? Must we be so insensitive?
Point is, I was ignorant and I was going to learn.

So back to the real deal; Jay and I entered from a side door, at which point I realized that none of the tickets in my hands were for a More Light dinner. Either I had nixed that one in my revised ticket purchase, or Unhelpful GA Lady was being herself again, but I went to a dinner last night without a ticket. (Does that justify missing two, mom?)

Jay didn't have a ticket either because (as I discovered as the night unfurled) his grandmother had helped organize it and about half of the people there were from his church. Jay is the YAD from the local San Jose Presbytery, and just graduated from Oberlin. (He's on my committee--Theological Issues and Institutions, too.)

So I sat down at a table in the front, not worried about not having the $45 ticket; I mean, could you find a more welcoming community?

There were four women there, one little girl, Jay's grandmother (a sweet smiling lady), and Jay.
I think that the four woman were two couples and that the little girl was their daughter. They were so nice.
Today I went to a Media Lunch (more about that later) and I will compare the two:
I actually had some connections to the people at the Media lunch. Some knew my mom, some were from my state (which is rare here), some knew my best friends. Nevertheless, I was the one who had to keep the conversation (of which there was hardly any) flowing. I came out of that lunch bored, exhausted, and irritated.
I knew absolutely nothing about any of the women at the More Light dinner. They were all West Coasters and hardly knew Pittsburgh, much less New Wilmington. Only at this dinner, they would call me by my name, ask me questions about myself, and I said goodbye to them when I had to leave early for my business meeting.

More Light was the church to me.

The speakers were great. A noteworthy and very sweet HRC (Human Rights Campaign) Leader (who I can't recall his name now) spoke and made my eyes watery. He spoke about a church he had served in with a very open homosexual organist. A man from the church had come up to the sweet HRC man and commented on how the organist was a bad example for the families in the church. Sweet HRC Man said how he knew why the man was worried, because he had met the man's son, Albert.

Months later, when he had moved to another church to serve, Sweet HRC Man got a call from the man's wife saying, "I know you just left, but we don't really know the new pastor well enough and I was wondering if you could come back to do Albert's funeral. The boy had hanged himself.

That boy was a child of God. What are we doing, Presbyterians? Why are we judging? Why? Why?

I feel so passionately that these actions are unjust. I just don't understand them. I mean, enlighten me. Sure, let’s hold people accountable. Let's help people to fight sin. But what if they just can't do that? Are we going to abandon them?

Jesus, I know from today on, for the rest of my life, I am going to sin. Are you going to abandon me? No way.

Why are we being exclusive? It's so far from what Jesus wanted us to do.

Bruce Reyes-Chow has a great way of saying about certain issues that he fully believes one thing, but understands that people who disagree truly believe that that is what God is revealing to them to be true.

So if you disagree with me, I believe that you truly believe that that is what Jesus says. I just see it more simplistically: love.

That's what we should do to everyone. No exceptions.

I have to go to a business meeting now, but more on this dinner and last night later. Enjoy all my other posts until then. :)

Puffy-eyed Girl Postpones Blog Till the Morning

My eyes are puffy with sleep and my roommate always wakes up early (which in turn means I wake up early), so I'll write about the huge day I just had tomorrow.

Expect a lot of posts. It was quite and eventful day.

Oh, and forget about the moderator thing. : )

Slowing Down

Ok, everyone. I'm slowing down.

Every night is scheduled to keep going until at least 11:30. Seriously. We have a meeting at 10:45. That's like ending at 2:30 every night. And no, I'm not adjusted to the time yet.

So, pray for me. I was having a blast and making a lot of friends when I got here, but my supply of adrenaline has now worn off and soon I'm going to change from the "friendly girl" to the "girl who stares right at you with that glazed look in her eyes."

Help me prevent that. : )

**Also, I now have a free pass from all criticizing of spelling and grammar errors. At least I am moving my fingers over the keyboard.

I Was Feeling Ambitious.

First, I voted for the video today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSRITlzSNSIAnd...I also ran for YAD Moderator. I've made a lot of friends so far so I thought I might as well. It would enrich the experience. The moderator is the officiator of the meetings. But I really have no idea what they do. :)

We had to give a speech and everyone was like "God asked me to do this" and listed a bunch of credentials and stuff. I told jokes.

I find out in the morning. :)

Anti-Racism Training

Today we went to an Anti-Racism Training session.
It was three hours long.

I spent the majority of my time organizing my Harry Potter binder with the packets we got at Registration; one the the speakers (all minorites) talked..with a...pause...in the...weirdest places I have...ever heard.

After the speakers talked, we had two sessions of talking with the people at our table. I loved it. It was a table full of YADs and we had about every part of the country there: Pennsylvania, California, Some "M" state in between, South and North Carolina, Wisconsin, and Arkansas.

It was a great conversation.

I'm used to having conversations like these at the dinner table at Thanksgiving, but I don't think I've had the opportunity to have many like this with my peers. This is a great environment.

Having so many people from so many places in the country was so enlightening. I had no idea racism was such a prevalent issue still today. For me, it's almost cliche now. It's over with. You are a minority to disregard minorities.

But for these kids, they saw it everyday. They saw it at work in there communities. Really?

I'm not talking "I don't think we're ready for a black president." People will always be that way. When there are power and domination over others to seize, someone will do the dirty work to get it. Those dumb attempts won't change anytime soon. I'm talking radical behavior. I'm talking about two police men beating a black man beyond recognition and then getting off with it legally.

It's like someone just got polio all over again. I thought we had the vaccine against segregation.

So keep this issue in your prayers. This kind of news makes A) me happy that I live in a secluded area like Wilmington--every once in awhile I'm sheltered from something I want to be sheltered from and B) my heart ache. I hurt for the injustice. Please be aware and educated to help enact a change in all parts of the country.

I'm so thankful to be a part of this learning community.

The First Day Comes to a Close

Well, I think I'm having fun.

Ants

As I was flying, I looked out the window a lot. (The people sitting by me on both flights were not very talkative, though one did snore extraordinarily loud--the kind that even wakes the person doing the snoring up.)
Even though I've seen it every time I fly, I was so amazed at how toy-like everything looked. You mean our yards are that square? And we drive that well spaced-out? And our roads are that even? You're telling me I can't reach out and pick that car up with my fingers? It seemed unreal.

I tried really hard to remember that each little moving dot contained a person with a name and a history and a favorite color and a food they hate to eat. Each one. There were as many little moving dots as there are ants when I'm sitting outside.
But those are just ants. They're minuscule. Worthless. Uninteresting. Can't even begin to imagine who I am. Would be scared to death if they could comprehend me--but they can't. Cause they're just ants.

Why does God care so much for us? We're just ants.

Arrival

I have arrived.

I woke up at 4:00 (went to bed at 1:30, oops) and left for Pittsburgh at 4:30AM. My flight left on time and I got into Dallas at around 9:30AM. The weather was awful though and I got stuck on the shuttle (and later had a three hour delay) because of it. I met a man there that worked for a travel agency for rich people. By the end of the conversation he had given me his business card. I tried to tell him that I wasn't in the economic status he was looking for, but he kindly said he would answer any question I had about traveling efficiently. He was my friend. First God sighting.

General Assembly in San Jose, CA

Well, I haven't been on here for awhile, but I thought I would start up again to record my thoughts at the Presbyterian Church's General Assembly.

General Assembly (as defined by Wikipedia) is "the highest court of Presbyterian polity. Each presbytery selects a number of its members to be commissioners (that's what I am!) to the general assembly. The general assembly is chaired by its own moderator, who is usually elected to a two-year term." It's like the Federal Government of the Presbyterian Church.

So, while I'm at GA, I think I will blog everyday.
This may be something that will end up sitting in the back of my mind and never getting done, but I'm thinking right now that it would be a pretty cool vessel for those at home to "experience" this whole thing with me. A lot of times I go away and experience great things in life and then come home and say, "Yeah mom, it was fun."
>>I can't possibly translate all I learned in one conversation.
So maybe if I take you with me, it will be more effective.

I hope I have time to do it.

I will be a Youth Advisory Delegate (YAD), which is a youth commissioner. The Assembly takes place in San Jose, CA, and my plane leaves in a matter of hours, so I should be packing...

Pray for me this week that I may make a difference and hear God's guidance clearly, without my own opinions mixed in. : )

The Response Should Be Community

Another section of an email to Ty from me:

I liked what you said about how what we do DOES matter, but not for our salvation. I had already come to the conclusion that what we did didn't matter for salvation because we can't DO anything.

But when you're left with that, it often seems as though you are stuck without a purpose or drive in life. Making our lives a RESPONSE to God's salvation is so much more of a welcome thought. It's not something I can check off and be ready to go to Heaven with; it's a lifestyle of living constantly in the glorification of God. THAT seems more like a purpose in life. Not just an, "ok I accepted Jesus, now I'm in" kind of thing, but a "I've accepted Jesus, now what can I do every day to glorify and serve others to say, 'You know what God, thanks a bunch.'"
The Meant To Live song is a really good example. (It made me like Switchfoot.) We WERE meant to live for so much more. And so our purpose in life is to get as close to how God intended our lives to be as we can (which I believe leads to getting the most out of life.)

I remember reading about the "love"/"tolerance" thing in a C.S. Lewis book, I think Mere Christianity. I liked what he said though because it was saying that you have to actively LOVE someone. Not just not dislike them.

We DO need to build a community. Mom and I were looking at Dr. Gagnon's (you know, her Greek professor) website (http://www.robgagnon.net/AnswersToEMails.htm) and reading some of the emails he received and responded to. The second one listed was the one that really jumped out at me. It was essentially: should we withhold membership privileges from cohabiting heterosexual partners, just as we do from cohabiting homosexual partners? Apparently Gagnon had labeled homosexual relations as an "extreme sin" (weighing sins now, are we?), and this pastor was wondering if he should place the same label on a parallel situation. Gagnon said NO that it wasn't "as serious". (So lying isn't as serious, I'll just do that and maybe I'll get off? Huh?)
He said it wasn't like homosexuality because it wasn't unnatural, and then he threw out some Scripture (like always) about the prostitute creating a "one flesh" union, even though it was unholy. Then, even if homosexuality is unholy, why is IT not still "one flesh"?
Some of what he says makes sense, he's just so polarizing and completely close-minded that it makes me angry.

My main point here is why are we turning off membership in the first place?
Mom said that it was because when you join the church you are saying that you are going to withhold a certain moral code, which makes sense in theory, but where do we draw the line?
Are we saying you're not allowed to be a part of the church if you're an active sinner? Yeah, I think we kind of are.

And here's the amazing ending to his email:

"From a pastoral standpoint, I recommend having a personal meeting with the offenders, going through Jesus’ teaching on marriage in Matt 19, highlighting the importance of obeying Jesus as his disciples, and explaining that membership can only be granted (or actively retained) if they marry or dissolve the sexual bond. I also recommend, if you haven’t already done so, that you regularly preach on the importance of sexual purity and marriage. I doubt that they would want to become members of a church that clearly declared their behavior to be sin, if they insisted on staying in a sexual relationship outside of marriage."

"I doubt they would want to be members." I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. This is disgusting. He's now telling people to preach to WARD PEOPLE OFF!!! This is absolutely ridiculous. Some community. No wonder people don't want to be a part of us. WE don't want THEM.
Sometimes I really can't stand Christians.

Heath and Heaven

This is taken from an email I recently wrote to Ty. It's not meant to be a political statement, it's just a stream of thoughts I've been thinking lately that I shared with my brother:


On the subject of doing things in the name of Christ that are wrong (which coincidentally, I remember writing a big question mark beside Mark 9:38-41 when Jesus talks about whoever is not against us is for us because I was picturing the Bullhorn man in NOOMA [NOOMA.com] and people like you mentioned who carry around "God hates fags" signs.) I have now finished Brokeback Mountain since I emailed you last AND watched it again.
It was beautiful.
Sometimes I go through these spells of depression for the world. I get really sad and hopeless and I think of how people are hurting and God is mourning over our actions. I am currently doing that now because of Heath Ledger. I know I didn't know him. I know that sounds ridiculous to be "mourning" someone I've never even met, but his death has brought up so many issues and emotions for me that this last week has been really sad. I have honestly spent the past couple of days randomly bursting into tears at the idea of a young man, the same age as my brother, just...ended. I think of whether or not he is in Heaven and the tears flow even harder.
I don't get Heaven.
I don't get who goes there and who doesn't. Sometimes people talk to me about, "When I get to Heaven...," and I think, how are they so sure they are getting there? How do they know they are checked off the list? Haven't they still got awhile to screw things up? And have they DONE something to get on that list? I was under the impression that we can't DO anything.
So I think of people like the fundamentalist carrying the sign and I think, he is going around, polarizing a large group of people from Jesus. He knows there's a Heaven and he knows he's going there someday.
Then I think of certain people I know who question Christianity. They live their life helping people. They have a kindness you can see in their eyes. But I'm not sure they thinks there IS a Heaven.

Now who gets in? The man who believes but doesn't live like Jesus, or the man who doubts but resembles Jesus everyday in his actions?

I would hope that everyone gets in. Because who can do anything to get there? No one.
And if people go to Hell it seems like God losses. And God doesn't lose. He doesn't even play.

I know I sound like a universalist, but who's to say that's not right? I'd be happy with that idea. I know I haven't earned my seat in Heaven, what makes me better than the next guy?

After Brokeback I have deciding to go as far away from the sign carrier as possible. I even decided to write my government opinion paper on pro civil unions, and when I raised my hand to pick the subject everyone was quiet and then they made fun of me. Whatev. I'm sticking up for Ennis. God loves fags.