On the subject of doing things in the name of Christ that are wrong (which coincidentally, I remember writing a big question mark beside Mark 9:38-41 when Jesus talks about whoever is not against us is for us because I was picturing the Bullhorn man in NOOMA [NOOMA.com] and people like you mentioned who carry around "God hates fags" signs.) I have now finished Brokeback Mountain since I emailed you last AND watched it again.
It was beautiful.
Sometimes I go through these spells of depression for the world. I get really sad and hopeless and I think of how people are hurting and God is mourning over our actions. I am currently doing that now because of Heath Ledger. I know I didn't know him. I know that sounds ridiculous to be "mourning" someone I've never even met, but his death has brought up so many issues and emotions for me that this last week has been really sad. I have honestly spent the past couple of days randomly bursting into tears at the idea of a young man, the same age as my brother, just...ended. I think of whether or not he is in Heaven and the tears flow even harder.
I don't get Heaven.
I don't get who goes there and who doesn't. Sometimes people talk to me about, "When I get to Heaven...," and I think, how are they so sure they are getting there? How do they know they are checked off the list? Haven't they still got awhile to screw things up? And have they DONE something to get on that list? I was under the impression that we can't DO anything.
So I think of people like the fundamentalist carrying the sign and I think, he is going around, polarizing a large group of people from Jesus. He knows there's a Heaven and he knows he's going there someday.
Then I think of certain people I know who question Christianity. They live their life helping people. They have a kindness you can see in their eyes. But I'm not sure they thinks there IS a Heaven.
Now who gets in? The man who believes but doesn't live like Jesus, or the man who doubts but resembles Jesus everyday in his actions?
I would hope that everyone gets in. Because who can do anything to get there? No one.
And if people go to Hell it seems like God losses. And God doesn't lose. He doesn't even play.
I know I sound like a universalist, but who's to say that's not right? I'd be happy with that idea. I know I haven't earned my seat in Heaven, what makes me better than the next guy?
After Brokeback I have deciding to go as far away from the sign carrier as possible. I even decided to write my government opinion paper on pro civil unions, and when I raised my hand to pick the subject everyone was quiet and then they made fun of me. Whatev. I'm sticking up for Ennis. God loves fags.
